Raising a son

This weekend's message on "Everlasting Father" was the most biographical that I have ever done. It was surprisingly less hard than many thought. I suppose this has a lot to do with the fact that I am "owning" my past. That is, I accept who I am and where I come from.

One of the biggest responses to my absence of a father is to make sure I pass onto my sons what only I can pass onto them. This is a toughy because I didn't have a dad do this for me. In the song "Father of Mine" by Everclear this line strikes at the heart of the issue:

"You would take me to a place inside
That is so hard to reach"

I believe that there is a place inside each boy that only a father can reach, only a father has the ability to connect at this level with his son. A part of my journey has been letting my Father in Heaven connect with me there in the absence of my biological dad.

As a dad though, I want to reach into my son's heart and connect with him. I want to help him transition to a man. One of the ways I am doing this is by covenanting with a group of dads to help raise our sons into men. We meet every Tuesday to share life and sharpen each other. This has been such a blessing to me.

Another element to our group is that we have designated certain ages along our boys' life to celebrate and mark with rites of passage. We have been deeply influenced by Robert Lewis on this subject. It is still a work in progress but it looks like this for us right now:

13 - retreat with all the boys, we give them a compass and talk about the definition of manhood as a compass for their life
18 - graduation from high school, probably something really cool like a sword
22 or so - college graduation
At their wedding - a family crest that we have yet to design and get made.

I'm looking forward to walking with my son through the various stages and helping him be a man.

"Babysitting the kids"

I have only a few pet peeves...okay I probably have a lot, but I am quiet about most of them. But here is one of my worst. Whenever my lovely wife gets away for a few hours or as in these next 3 days is out of town, I typically get the same response. "Oh, that's nice you are baby sitting the kids." Umm...excuse me, but I am their father, I don't baby sit my kids, I only...er....watch them...or be their dad...or I am not sure what you call it but it is certainly not "babysitting." That is something we pay a teenage girl to do.

Perhaps it has a lot to do with the fact that dads have gotten a bad rep. Some deserved, some not. We don't always step up and actually be the one who is engaged with their kids hearts or be the ones who take an active role in shaping them or lack the confidence to take care of them properly. That is something I have endeavored to undue in my own upbringing. While my dad hit the road when he found out I came into existence, I have felt a tremendous call to be the dad I never had and frankly be the dad God called me to be.

On that note, one of the best resources I have ever seen has been Men's Fraternity. We just completed the first season of it at Suncrest and it was a tremendous help to the guys who participated. This morning as we sat around one big table together, it was awesome to sense that each guy was not alone in their struggle to be the man, husband and father God had called them to be.

Now...anyone want to have a lonely dad and 3 kids over for dinner????