How are you growing as a father?

I have to ask myself that question today. It's an appropriate time to pause and consider how I've grown as a dad. I've noticed something interesting with each child being born. My love for my children has grown exponentially over the years. When my first was born I did love him, but it seems I love him even more today. Along with that my desire to grow as a dad has grown.

I've had to give up some things along the way to be a great dad. I'm not going to be a good golfer. I'm not going to have a lot of hobbies. I'm not going to travel a lot.

And yet, despite all the things I'm not going to be or have, the one thing that I get to be that more than makes up for any sacrifice is dad. The one and only dad to Ethan, Daisy, Grace and Ben.

Ethan's gonna Know Sweat

My son headed off with the Student Ministry for Know Sweat, a CIY sponsored mission trip. I love it that he gets this opportunity because mission trips are the most life changing thing anyone can do. Kid or adult, they can change your life. I've seen it with teens in youth ministry. I've seen it with adults. God does something unique when we get away and serve. Maybe I should say, we are open to God doing something unique when we get away.

It was hard for Sheila to let her "little boy" go, but we both know it will be a great trip for him.

3 things I love about Oklahoma...

3 things I love about Oklahoma...

1. Less traffic;
2. QT gas stations...the best in the country
3. Friendly people EVERYWHERE.

3 things I could live without...

1. People who drive UNDER the speed limit (okay, not limited to OK, but there does seem to be an inordinate amount of drivers like that here);
2. Wranglers everywhere!!!!
3. Living 10 hours from it.

Ahhhh..the beauty of Google maps

I realized the true beauty of Google maps this week. My wife left for a trip to Oklahoma and then on to Dallas to help her sister with a family matter. The first great use was when she called from Tulsa and could not find her Sister's apartment. Yahoo had messed it up. So I jumped on google and directer her turn by turn. You could say I was her personal GPS system.

Then later that night as they were looking for the hotel in Dallas, I provided turn by turn directions again thanks to Google. We almost bought a GPS unit before she left, but decided to save the money.

Gotta love it when technology really does help you.

Daisy and Locks of Love

It was sad for mom to do it, but Daisy really wanted to donate to Locks of Love. I loved her long hair, but she looks beautiful in her shorter dew.

Oklahoma, take 2

We are trying it again...visiting family that is. The last visit, over Thanksgiving, didn't turn out so well. All of the previous day's meals being purged from 5 of the Gamble's wasn't a fun way to spend Thanksgiving when I typically spend more time eating rather than...well...you get the picture. But we are here again to actually see my family and spend a little more time with Sheila's.

It's never been convenient or fun living away from family, but it appears to be the path God has chosen for us. When we were graduating college, I had many friends who said they would go where God led as long as it was in a certain area or not in another certain area. We never felt like that was really submitting to God's Will. So we live 9 1/2 hours away from my kids' grandparents. It definitely makes it tough at times, but it makes the visits all the sweeter. As I have reflected on this I have often thought that despite the disadvantages, there have been some blessings:

• Early in our marriage and with our first child we HAD to depend on each other and had no other family to run to when conflict arose;
• We made more and better friends because we didn't have family to spend time with;
• We have had other people "adopt" our kids as grandkids;
• We always have a reason to visit the promised land of Oklahoma.

I know the road that God leads us down is not always convenient or what we would choose, but it certainly has been the best path.

Raising a son

This weekend's message on "Everlasting Father" was the most biographical that I have ever done. It was surprisingly less hard than many thought. I suppose this has a lot to do with the fact that I am "owning" my past. That is, I accept who I am and where I come from.

One of the biggest responses to my absence of a father is to make sure I pass onto my sons what only I can pass onto them. This is a toughy because I didn't have a dad do this for me. In the song "Father of Mine" by Everclear this line strikes at the heart of the issue:

"You would take me to a place inside
That is so hard to reach"

I believe that there is a place inside each boy that only a father can reach, only a father has the ability to connect at this level with his son. A part of my journey has been letting my Father in Heaven connect with me there in the absence of my biological dad.

As a dad though, I want to reach into my son's heart and connect with him. I want to help him transition to a man. One of the ways I am doing this is by covenanting with a group of dads to help raise our sons into men. We meet every Tuesday to share life and sharpen each other. This has been such a blessing to me.

Another element to our group is that we have designated certain ages along our boys' life to celebrate and mark with rites of passage. We have been deeply influenced by Robert Lewis on this subject. It is still a work in progress but it looks like this for us right now:

13 - retreat with all the boys, we give them a compass and talk about the definition of manhood as a compass for their life
18 - graduation from high school, probably something really cool like a sword
22 or so - college graduation
At their wedding - a family crest that we have yet to design and get made.

I'm looking forward to walking with my son through the various stages and helping him be a man.

14 years and counting

Today, Sheila and I celebrate 14 years of marriage. I have a friend who always responds this way when asked how long he has been married: "10 great years...but 17 all together." I can say that we really have been married 14 great years. We certainly have had our ups and downs. Some years were definitely harder than others. But my perspective is that all of them...the ups and the downs...has made our marriage what it is today. I know I am so blessed to have such a great woman to put up with me and still be in love with me. We celebrated last night with dinner and a little year-end review and planning for next year. I know it sounds so unromantic, but actually it was all good stuff about what we want to improve upon next year.

For any guy reading, your wife will absolutely love you to pieces if you initiate these types of conversations. One thing I have at least learned in 14 years.

I'm looking forward to so many more years with an amazing woman.

Number 1 goal

I was listening to Mark Batterson on the way in this morning and this comment has stuck with me.

"The church can get a new pastor. My kids can't replace me."

There's always this pull away from the family because they typically are not urgent. Work, the house, the car, whatever is always more urgent than my kids. I've placed some boundaries in my life that has helped, but I need to take some other steps.

One of the steps I have taken and been pretty successful at is always taking my day off. And when I do take it, no work happens. That is not only healthy for me, it's healthy my kids. My kids need at least one whole day where dad is not distracted by work.

There are some other ways though I need to take some extra steps. Specifically in my evening routine I have not done well at keeping our dinner time sacred. Furthermore, the whole evening meeting thing can get a bit out of hand during some seasons. Got to work on that.

A little visitor

We had a visitor yesterday. A scared little squirrel somehow found his way into our basement. How he managed to get in is still a mystery. Even though I pulled out all my interrogation techniques, he wouldn't crack. From what Sheila told me it was a scene right out of Christmas Vacation. You know the one...where the squirrel comes flying out of the Christmas tree scaring everyone to death. It so started her and my youngest daughter, Grace, that they went flying upstairs. I had to come to their rescue. I'd like to say it had a happy ending for the squirrel, but...I'll leave the details so as not to tick off the animal lovers. I have heard they make good eatin' but I'd rather not find out.

A new season

Well, it's official as of yesterday. I have entered a new season as a parent. My son went on his first youth group trip. Yesterday was the Six Flags trip. I went with him because he wanted me to and I know he won't always want dad around. We actually had a great time just hanging out. He took his first spin on a roller coaster. Jared (student pastor) was even there to experience it with him, so that was cool. It made me think about a couple things:

1. Moments like these are so fleeting. They are here one moment and gone the next. Enjoy them while you can. All of life is really that way. Enjoy life as it comes because it only comes once.

2. You can only enjoy first things once. I was thinking about the whole roller coaster experience and how you never, no matter how much you want to, recover that feeling of first riding a roller coaster. That mixture of anticipation and fear of the unknown. After that, you have some reference point that in some way spoils it and in another way makes you able to try faster roller coasters. It's kind of like that with God. There are so many "firsts" with God.

• When you surrender your life.
  
• When you are baptized.
• When you really hear him speak into your life the first time.
• A worship time where you felt totally caught in the worship.
• A time of completely trusting him with something you really hadn't trusted him with before.

You never get to experience the "first" of those moments again and yet those firsts make it possible to trust God even more, to experience Him even more, to enjoy the next season of growth even more.

I'm looking forward to this season with Ethan. I know I will see tremendous growth in him. And I am looking forward to how God is going to work in his life. It's a beautiful thing to see the handiwork of God in your child's life and to see how God redeems my pitiful attempts at fathering.