Anyone who has been around me recently and heard me talk about what I’m reading has certainly heard me talk about Seth Godin.  I think this guy is one of the best and smartest author’s on marketing, getting your message out and in general being a change agent.  So many applications for what he talks about.

In his latest book Linchpin he tackles what it takes for you to be indispensable in your “world.”  If I may, here’s my two bullet point summary of what he says:

• • • • • Get really good at something you love;
        • Offer it as a gift to those around you.

I absolutely loved this book and encourage anyone wanting to make a difference in their world to devour it.  It’s not about pursuing an income.  It’s about offering what you have to the world.  And often only after you have done this can you make an income from that.  But first you have to offer yourself.

He writes that you were not born to be average.  You were brainwashed into believing that being average is how you are supposed to be to get by.  Not so in the world we live in today.  Being remarkable is how you must live.

I’ll let his words be the conclusion to this post.

“We need original thinkers, provocateurs, and people who care.  We need marketers who can lead, salespeople able to risk making a human connection, passionate change makers willing to be shunned if it is necessary for them to make a point.  Every organization needs a linchpin, the one person who can bring it together and make a difference.”

Go read it.

One of the things I’ve learned since we went multi-site 18 months ago is that relationships are the glue that holds everything together.  Job descriptions and org charts are nice and helpful, but having a good relationship with other staff who we share staff with is essential.

Like a guitar string perfectly tightened, relationships in a multi-site environment have to be perfectly tightened to the right tension point.  If the relationship is too slack, then nothing will ever really get done.

• Neither person will speak honestly and openly.
• Neither person will really care about the others’ ministry.
• And both ministries will suffer long term.

If however the relationship is wound too tight it will be in constant unhealthy tension.

• There won’t be a spirit of trust;
• Each person will only look out for their own ministry;
• And still both ministry areas will suffer.

I won’t lie and say it has been easy.  But nothing that is worth the long term gain really is easy.  And that is what we have with our church, a mission that is too valuable to give up on.

I was reminded of this point just this week as the campus pastors sat down with Debby, our new Children’s Director to talk about the tension points.  And as we talked our conversations all came back to the quality of the relationship that we were establishing with her.

I’m most excited that we haven’t got stuck in any of the tension points and we are moving forward for the mission.  I’m excited that our two new campuses can learn from our experience of launching Hobart.  And because of it all people will find Jesus.

I’ve heard two thoughts on how to change something in your life.

1.  Baby steps

Perhaps made infamous in What about Bob? the idea is simple.  You make small incremental changes towards the bigger change you want.

2.  Shock the system

This idea was introduced through an article in Fast Company to me years ago when Greg passed it out to staff.  If I ever find it I will link to it.  It was a great article on how “baby steps” are  not the most effective.  The most effective way to change is by “shocking the system” with big changes.

Recently I’ve experienced the fruit of “shocking the system.”  We entered a biggest loser competition as a staff at Suncrest and I decided that it was time to really make some changes.  I had experienced the weight “yo-yo” throughout my life and knew that a diet was not going to work.  What I needed was a true change of eating habits and exercise.

So in one decision I:

• stopped drinking diet soda;
• started counting calories and keeping mine around 1200;
• started exercising every day;
• stopped eating sugar everyday and reserve that for once a week or so;
• started eating 5 or 6 smaller meals each day (with the weekly cheat meal);
• started creating a meal plan for myself each week ;
• and stopped eating out 3-5 times per week (in particular cheeseburgers!).

And so far it has worked!  I’ve lost 19lbs in 4 weeks and feel better than I have ever felt in my life.

Of course, none of the things I’ve done are rocket science.  And I’ve only been doing this for 4 weeks.

But I’m doing it with my wife for accountability and encouragement.  And our mindset is that this is not a diet but we will eat and exercise this way the rest of our lives.  And we love it.  It doesn’t feel restrictive because we eat every 2-3 hours.  And we love results so we are motivated.

I readily recognize 4 weeks is not a lifetime so I’m counting on you, whoever is reading this, to keep me accountable.  You have complete freedom if you see me scarfing down a Big Mac to ask, “So was that in your meal plan for the day?”

It’s a simple question I’m asking myself.  Every year I choose several books I want to read through in the new year.  I’ll post a list later on.  Reading is a huge part of it, but there are other things as well:

• exercise
• diet
• Spiritual habits
• learning experiences such as conferences (could be for your marriage, spiritual growth, leadership or otherwise)
• relationships (maybe you need to spend more time with certain people and less with others?)
• find a mentor
• be a mentor
• Other?

I’m asking the question of myself and would love to hear from you on what you will be doing in 2010 to GROW!

I do know this.  It won’t happen by accident.  It won’t happen without a plan.  It won’t happen without intention.

So let’s have it, what are you going to do in 2010 to grow?

This book by Dan Allender is a revolutionary approach to leadership.  I know that the book has been out a few years but somehow I missed it.  Or perhaps I could say that I read it at exactly the time in my life when I needed to read it.  The premise of the book is simply that God favors leaders who make the most of the power that comes from brokenness.

This is not to say that strenghs don’t play a part.  They do.  In Allender’s words:

“Our calling  is often shaped as much by our weaknesses as by our strengths. We tend to run with our strengths and avoid those people and tasks that expose our weaknesses. But the story of God is not a saga of human potential; it is the revelation of the kindness and passion of the Father who seeks and redeems sinners. Therefore our strengths may help us with certain tasks and opportunities, but it is our frailty and sin that make known the glory of God’s story (150).”

As a leader I know the temptation to “act like you have it together” and not reveal weakness or struggle.  There is danger in doing so:  lose respect of others or some choosing to leverage it against you.  Yet I’m seeing that there is a greater danger if you don’t: miss out on God’s power working through you first and foremost.

Allender suggests there are four realities to embrace to be broken:

1. I am never sufficiently good, wise, or gifted to make things work;

2. My failures will harm others, the process, and myself, no matter how hard I try to avoid failure;

3. The greatest harm I can do is to try to limit the damage I cause by not participating, by quitting, or by pushing for control;

4. Calling out for help from God and others is the deepest confession of humility.

Our “limp” at the end of the day is there to deflect the glory to God and get it off of ourselves.  After all, look at the damage we do when we hog the spotlight: trying to control situations, bullying others into “our” way, not being receptive to God’s still small voice, building a better kingdom for myself instead of building God’s kingdom, etc.

Allender challenges leaders to embrace Paul’s title of himself as the “chief of sinners.”  When this is accepted and lived out God is positioned in our lives in such a way that there is no doubt he has been at work.

If you are interested in the notes I took from this book you can find them here.  It’s the best leadership book I’ve read all year, maybe all decade.

It’s ironic that in the midst of The Waiting Room series we are forced to delay our annual Oklahoma Thanksgiving trip with possibility of canceling. The flu hit 3 of our kids and it has delayed our trip thus far. It’s frustrating waiting without knowing whether or not we will be able to go. Of course, I’m much more concerned about my kids getting better and that is why we are waiting. It has just reminded me of the frustration of waiting. Wait that’s not right.

It has reminded me of the frustration of unexpected waiting.  I think waiting is bearable when you expect it and can prepare yourself for it.  But when it is unexpected it’s the worse.

So we are patiently waiting…and not so patiently waiting and learning to enjoy the unexpected time at home.

I’ve been doing a little reflection on the concept of the waiting room that we are using for our current message series.  You can find the others here and here.

Today I’d like to reflect a little on the experience the Israelites had in between when they were slaves in Egypt and when they entered their “promised land.”

You can read about their experience in the book of Exodus.  Their experience of waiting tells me that NO experience of waiting I have ever had even comes close to theirs.  As a people they had to wait 40 years to enter their home.  Now some have waited 6 months to a year to build a home.  But I don’t know any family who waited 40 years to move into their new pad!

One of the experiences that the Israelites had was trusting God every single day for their food.  God provided “manna” for them each day.  In Exodus 16 it chronicles for us their experience where God provided it each day and each day they gathered it.  Some gathered too much and some gathered too little.  But everyone had just enough.  Some tried to disobey God’s specific instruction to only gather enough for the day and not try to store some for the next.  When they tried, that which they gathered spoiled.  God was teaching them to trust him every single day.

Like manna for the Israelites in the desert, I think God only gives us enough Grace for each day.  Not enough for tomorrow, just today.  I think that is to help us trust him today.  The waiting room teaches us to live in the present, not the past and not the future, but today.  God has only given us what we need for today.

The beauty and pain of the waiting room is that you don’t know when you will be “called out” of it.  Therefore, learning to just be present and trust God in the moment is the only choice that really leads to transformation.  It’s what my friend Andy calls living “momently.”  We don’t live for tomorrow…for the next thing, for the next job, for the next stage of a relationship…but for now.

And God has given us just enough for today.  Dan Allender in his revolutionary leadership book “Leading with a Limp” says this:

“The grace for the moment is the manna for today.  There are enough problems today and sufficient grace to meet them now.  There is not grace for tomorrow because the gift is now, for the moment, and not for what is to come.  There will be grace for tomorrow, but it will not come today.”

I’m continuing some reflection on the waiting room of life.  You can read the other post here.

Someone gave me a compliment yesterday.  They told me that they saw real growth in me recently.

For me, my greatest growth has come because I gave myself over to a process of transformation where I have allowed someone, a mentor, to speak into my life in ways I have never been open to before.  Here is why it is relevant to this topic:  I expected to get great insight from this mentor whereby I could immediately implement and CHANGE.  What I found was conversation that did not immediately produce fruit but rather provided an environment where I could wrestle through some of my challenges.  And this wrestling match took time.

It’s what a friend calls to “sit with it.”  It’s the task of living with a principle, insight or idea for some time until the truth of it is revealed in your life.  It’s the experience we have when we re-read a passage of Scripture and suddenly the truth of it hits you in ways it never hit you before.  The reason the truth hit you this time in a fresh way is because you lived life and had experiences that now read that passage through the lens of those experiences.

The clincher in this “sitting with it” is that you can’t make it happen.  It does not happen instantly.  It only happens with TIME and you can never predict when it will happen.  It’s why some theologians say we “act our way into belief.”  By living and acting as if we believe something, over time you realize you do actually believe it and the doubts and arguments don’t have as much weight with you anymore.

The waiting room of life is for “sitting with it.”  Allowing God to work through a process where you ruminate on a truth or principle until the clarity of that truth blinds you.

Tomorrow I want to share one more reflection on why waiting may not be the worst thing for us.

On Sunday, Greg at Suncrest challenged us to do nothing for 7 days.  If you find yourself in the waiting room of life, maybe the best thing you can do is just wait.  Here is a phrase that grabbed me:

When it comes to waiting, I think transaction; God thinks transformation.

One of the things I have been learning about transformation is that it takes one ingredient that most of us do not want to give up: TIME.  The truth is, most of us want CHANGE, not TRANSFORMATION.

I want to make a distinction here that I have noticed in my own life.  We want change because we think it is instantaneous.  Every ad on TV and in every magazine appeals to this desire for change and the hope that it will NOT require time.

You can lose weight and feel great in just 10 days.

You can master a skill in 10 easy lessons.

You can make a lot of money by only working 10 hours a month.

The reason this type of advertising is so successful is because it short circuits a process that involves TIME and a lot of hard work.  Transformation is different.  It requires TIME.  Lots of it.

That’s why the waiting room of life may be the exact place we need to be.  It forces us to WAIT on God and WORK through the process of transformation.

It’s true in physical fitness.  An exercise regimen is important to lose weight but it’s also important because over time it develops a habit in your life that will be necessary for transformation of your physique to continue.

It’s true financially.  A program like Financial Peace University is 13 weeks long and costs money.  An investment of TIME and money forces you to really commit to the process which slowly transforms your habits and attitude towards money.

It’s true spiritually.  Transformation of the mind and heart only take place over what Eugene Peterson calls a “long obedience in the same direction.”  It’s a 3 steps forward and 2 steps back kind of life.  It’s winning AND losing.  It’s failing forward.  It’s giving your ALL to Jesus one day and then taking a little piece back the next day.  It’s a process.

It’s waking up one day and realizing you are not the same person you were a year ago.  And it wasn’t ONE thing that caused it.  It was EVERYTHING.

Tomorrow I want to share how God has been teaching me this personally.

In Donald Miller’s latest book “A Million Miles in a Thousand Years,” Don (because we are on first name basis) learns what makes a great story and ironically ends up learning what makes an even greater life.  So many of the ingredients for a great story help make a greater life.  There are ingredients such as conflict, memories and resolution.  The most powerful ingredient that the best stories have is what writers call the “inciting incident.”  This is a doorway that a character walks through in which there is no turning back.  It is the pivotal decision or incident that happens that changes everything for the character.

In reflecting on this story device, it is a powerful metaphor for our own life.  We each have inciting incidences that we can point to.

A decision that changed your life forever.

An event that irrevocably changed you.

The change could be for better or for worse.

My question is, “Can you create an inciting incident for your own life?”  The reason to do so being that it forces a change that is necessary in your life.

I think the answer is yes.

For example, you want to change your health.  An inciting incident could be as simple as telling 3 friends you are going to start jogging.  Additionally you give these 3 friends permission to ask you how you are doing.  Now this may not change your life, but for sure there’s no going back.  You can keep your commitment or you can look like a slacker to your friends.  I’m sure they will still love you if you are a slacker but who wants to be thought of as that.  A little intentional inciting incident can make all the difference.

Or let’s say you long for a career change.  What about filling out that admission form and jumping into a class?  I know people who are content with an F but I’m going to assume if you are reading this you are not one of them and being in a class will actually motivate you.

What about spiritual growth?  Ask for some accountability from your community group.  Ask a friend to meet you for coffee for 6 weeks in a row just to pray.  The key is that it has to be something in which YOU will find it hard to go back out on.  Making a promise to yourself really won’t cut it.  Making a promise to someone else AND doing some kind of action in the right direction may just do it.

An inciting incident for me a couple years ago was filling out the application and paying the $90.00 to run the Chicago Marathon AND then recruiting a veteran marathon runner to be my partner.  It wasn’t one thing.  It was all those things that became the doorway through which I couldn’t go back.  Of course, you can say that I could have dropped out and in theory I could have, but I didn’t.  And that for me is why it is an inciting incident.  It was the combination of those things that put me “all in.”

So do you want to write a better story?  Introduce an inciting incident into your life and see what happens?